Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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