Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
