come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
