and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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