I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
