happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
