his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
