proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
