Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need a beard to bite.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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