That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
