I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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