Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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