let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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