it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
