Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
