Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
As shirtless as possible
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
