Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
