Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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