Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
