just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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