I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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