he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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