thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
