ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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