Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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