she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i drank out of a bidet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
