um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
