i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
