Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
