I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just threw up on my dentist
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
