i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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