A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
