I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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