Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
