yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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