I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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