We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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