is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
