So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
