So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
