i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
