I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
