dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
