i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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