Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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