Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
