Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
please come you make the beer taste better
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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