Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
