Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
