Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
