Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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