I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
