i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
