I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
