I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A+ Viking dick
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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