The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
