He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
