The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
